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Eight years ago today my mom, Sharon Doerflinger, passed away at the age of 50 and my life changed forever.  In some ways, that day feels like yesterday and in others it feels like a lifetime ago.

This is my favorite photo of my mom. She always made this face when she was deep in conversation.

When I was a kid, my mom and I were very close.  She was always interested in an adventure.  I have so many memories of going camping, swimming in the ocean, walking along the tide pools, and exploring new places.  I remember going horseback riding on the beach – my first time on a real horse by myself and panicking after my horse started galloping away from the group.  My mom, having taken lots of horseback riding lessons as a child, tried to tell me how to make the horse stop but I was too panicked to do anything other than white-knuckle the horn of the saddle.  She made her horse go into a full run to catch up to us and then, while still riding her horse, reached over and grabbed the reigns to make the horse slow down to a stop.

I was a bit of an unusual child.  For example, I loved to watch “Mysteries of the Bible” on the History Channel on Saturday mornings rather than cartoons.  I loved Egyptian history and Greek mythology.  When I was 9, I dressed up for Halloween as a woman from the 1940s because I decided I loved the style.  In the 4th grade I read a story about Anne Frank and decided to explore Judaism.  I read every book in the school library on it, every book in the local library on it, and even began borrowing books from libraries farther away.  When I didn’t understand what words meant, my mother would read it to me and explain it the best she could.  When I began contemplating converting, she had me sit down with a rabbi to discuss the options.  She always supported me.

The best picture of Mom and I.

When I was in middle school, she let me invite my close friends to go out to a restaurant.  We started this tradition of eating one “course” at each restaurant – one place for appetizers, one place for food, another for dessert.  She let my friends and I sit together while she sat a few tables away reading her book.

However, things began to change once I started high school.  My mom had slipped further and further into alcoholism and our relationship started to deteriorate.  We started arguing more often and our fights became more intense.  I started staying out late or spending the night at someone else’s house to avoid her.  On the night of my senior prom, we got into a huge fight.  I ended up leaving our apartment to get ready at someone else’s house, found a separate ride to our limo meeting spot, and told her not to bother coming to take pictures of my friends and I.  I also didn’t go home that night.

By August 2009, she started showing signs of liver failure.  By December 2009, she had been in and out of the hospital.  In January 2010, we almost lost her.  When it happened again a month later, we did lose her.  She died from liver failure on February 28, 2010.

Her death launched me into adulthood.  I was 20 years old, nearly homeless, and it became clear that I was forced to get myself together.  I matured overnight and became laser focused on what I wanted in my life.

In June 2014, I married the love of my life.  It was one of the greatest days of my life.

Elyse Doerflinger marries Jesus Morales-Grace Jr. in Torrance, California on June 21, 2014.

In July 2017, my beautiful son was born.  He is the light of my life and my greatest joy.  My mom would have loved him.

My sweet, perfect baby boy.

Although I remember the night I lost my mom as if it happened yesterday, I feel like a lifetime has passed since that night.  That night changed my life and that change gave me so many blessings.

 

 

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