My Un-Mother’s Day Weekend

In honor of Mother’s Day this coming Sunday, I’ve decided to have an Un-Mother’s Day Weekend.  What is an Un-Mother’s Day Weekend you ask?

Over the last month or so, I’ve been tortured by all the commercials and advertising about Mother’s Day.  It has really made me cranky (above my typical crankiness towards the end of the semester) and it has really been a constant reminder that my mom isn’t around.  I’ve had the “Oh yes – thanks for the reminder.  You know, just in case I forgot!”.  And that isn’t a positive attitude to have.  So I’ve decided to change that – and have an Un-Mother’s Day Weekend.

Mom wasn’t a fan of Mother’s Day weekend.  She wasn’t interested in jewelry, make-up, perfume, flowers – or all the other girly stuff.  The only gift fitting for Mom was a book since she loved to read.  But gift buying got complicated because it was difficult to find a book Mom hadn’t read yet.  Mom would read everything she could get her hands on.  Since she often had sleeping problems, she would stay up reading into the wee morning hours.  Her constant reading gained her a lot of knowledge.  She could talk about politics, history, religion, philosophy, and art for hours.  She won people’s hearts over with her smarts.

But since Mom hated Mother’s Day, we never really did anything “special”.  We just treated it like a normal day.  We never went out because of the crowds and if we watched TV, it was always on something like the History Channel, A&E, or PBS.  Once in a while, we would enjoy an episode or two of Frasier or Will and Grace.  Our shows either made us laugh or they made us think – and we always had some sort of calorie-filled snack like candy or ice cream.

So my Un-Mother’s Day weekend will consist of just remembering my mom – for everything that she was.  Yes, my mom is gone.  But why do I have to sit here and feel sorry for myself?  It won’t do me any good.

And I can just hear Mom’s voice in the back of my head, “When one adventure ends, another one begins – so stop complaining before I give you something to complain about!”.  And we were Intrepid Explorers.

Mom would be fine with my Un-Mother’s Day Weekend.  She was a natural rebel and hated to follow the “beaten path”.  She pushed me to explore outside of my comfort zone, to stand up for what is right even when it isn’t easy to do so, to always ask questions and then ask some more questions, and to never be afraid of the next adventure on the horizon.

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13 Responses to My Un-Mother’s Day Weekend

  1. Completely agree with you! And if I hear “Mama Mia” one more time . . . All these expectations of “hallmark” moments are not reflective of my life. We didn’t over celebrate like the current expectations. I’d be happy with a few hugs. But I wish I could shop for my mom. Really miss her at this time of year.

    • I’m not really into all of the commercialism of Mother’s Day. But I know I would give anything to have one more night of laughs, heated debates, and eating way more candy than we should. I miss those sorts of moments the most.

  2. Elyse,

    Ah yes, the constant Mother’s Day reminders from commercial companies, and not because they have any genuine interest in your mother…

    I’ve been uncelebrating Mother’s Day for years. Welcome to the club ;-)

    - Tamura

    • I like the term “Un-Mother’s Day”. I’ve been a member of this club for more years than I like. The first few years are tough BUT knowing you have other friends out there who have been in your shoes does help. Plan your next adventure :)

  3. Enjoy your “Un-Mothers Day” weekend Elyse…and the next adventure!

  4. Patricia Hart

    Hi Elyse — loved your blog on Un-Mother’s Day. But my fave part were the two pictures…. Thanks.

  5. Elyse – I’ll have an un-mother’s day with you – as this will be the 3rd one without my mom. The first was 2 weeks after she died in ’09. In fact I completely forgot to buy Mother’s Day cards for my step-mother, my mother-in-law, and my 3 daughters so I hurriedly did that yesterday. However, I’m a mom – so my mother’s day will be spent with 2 of my 4 kids (as the other 2 are out of state) and 4 grandsons. Take care and enjoy the next adventure!
    Wendy Littrell´s last blog post ..You Might Be a Genealogist if

  6. My mother has been gone since 1995, at least I do not cry anymore.

  7. I love the stories of your mother, Elyse. She sounds like such a beautiful woman. My husband just lost his mother right before Easter and the Mother’s Day reminders everywhere are extremely hard. Hugs to you.
    Kimberly Powell´s last blog post ..11 Essential Genealogy Blogs

  8. Charles Hansen

    Elyse I remember the first mothers day after my mom died and like you all the advertising really got to me. We had always made a big deal about mothers day especially after my grandmother died, so that first year was very hard. Hang in there it does get easier as time goes by, but still it will never go away altogether.

  9. You’ve found the perfect way to spend the day. Of course you miss her. You probably always will. But you sail on and celebrate what you can.

    I can’t stand the commercialism of it all. No cards allowed here, no flowers unless they’re from the garden, and PLEASE no candy. Mothers Day and my mother’s birthday are days to remember the laughter and the things she loved. We sing, we dance, we raise a glass, read a book and watch the sunset. And we argue about – oops, discuss – current events. I think our mothers might have enjoyed one another!

  10. Happy Un-Mothers Day Weekend, Elyse – what a good idea. I’ll join in too. (Unmothered since 1997)

  11. Elyse, this is my first time to your blog and I’m really blessed to find this particular blog. Despite having 4 wonderful adult children and soon-to-be 4 grandchildren, I hate Mother’s Day and have always done so. Feeling so opposite about the holiday has caused me more emotional distress every year, so my children have learned to quietly celebrate it before or after the fact to get me through it, and love me anyway!

    For myself, I’m borrowing your idea and will start it next year with other Mom’s who feel the same way to start having our own adventures to look forward to. No more weepy Mother’s Day weekends for the opposite reasons!!
    For my children, I forwarded a copy of your blog on to them and told them that after I was gone, to always have an adventure for me on that weekend. My attitude about life and adventure is like your Mom’s, almost the same words in fact, so they’ve already been doing that with their lives. But I’d rather them have live life for me than to be sad and miss me.

    For you Elyse, I am sorry that your wonderful mother has passed on and the sorrow you feel, but am so grateful for the life lessons, attitudes and legacy that she passed on through you to others. Thank you!

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